//Out Of My Control//

Grow strong in your weakness.Some of My children I’ve gifted with abundant strength and stamina. Others, like you, have received the humble gift of frailty. Your fragility is not a punishment, nor does it indicate lack of faith. On the contrary, weak ones like you must live by faith, depending on Me to get you through the day. I am developing your ability to trust Me, to lean on Me, rather than on your understanding. Your natural preference is to plan out your day, knowing what will happen when. My preference is for you to depend on Me continually, trusting Me to guide you and strengthen you as needed. This is how you grow strong in your weakness.
One of my favorite devotionals is Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I often post pictures on
instagram or facebook of the days that really speak to me. As this season in my
life has been pretty unpredictable the devotional today really struck a chord
in my heart. 
I wouldn’t say that I am a control freak
but who doesn’t like to feel like they have their hands on the steering wheel
in this life? With the recent diagnosis of epilepsy that Matt has received
getting a control on my thought life and letting go of control of the things
that I can’t control is a constant battle for me each day.
I have absolutely NO control of Matt’s
health when or if or where he will have another seizure.  I feel like I
am on the edge of a cliff and could fall at any second. I feel small and frail
and at times just cave in to the fear and find myself asking a lot of Why
questions. And I want an answer and I want it fast but I don’t get one and I am
told I have to trust. Trust God’s plan for our lives. Have faith when I feel
like I am suffocating. It’s hard!
The Bible is clear that God’s ways are not my ways and that means that I don’t
get to know the answers to a lot of my “whys” on this earth (and if you’re
at all like me I have a million of them.) I am trying to come to terms with
that. I’ve personally found that the more I try and seek out an answer to a
question that I know I am never going to understand here in this life the more
frustrated I get and the more I want to run away from God. 

So I am reminded
again today of how even though I feel tired and weary and question why I don’t
have faith like other people I know. I am still LOVED right where I am right in
this moment of my weakness. It’s true when you are at that point where you need
Jesus to be your strength because you don’t have even a tiny morsel left to
lift your head you grow strong in your weakness because of Him. It’s a very
vulnerable place to be and it’s a fight, but it’s a fight worth fighting!
Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”
—James 4:13–15
Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.
—Proverbs 3:5 amp
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
—Isaiah 40:28–31

1 Comment

  1. September 2, 2013 / 10:34 pm

    Wonderful post…I like your pretty blog.^^
    Maybe follow each other on bloglovin?
    Let me know follow you then back.
    Lovely greets Nessa

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