// A Soul That Wont Sink//

If you asked me who my favorite speaker is
to listen to (besides my husband of course) I would without a doubt say it’s
Judah Smith. Matt and I both watch his messages online regularly. There is
something about connecting with a speaker that is so contagious you can’t help
but want to listen to everything they have to say. Not because they are
“better” than you because I know Judah would be the first to admit
that he is not but because you can totally see yourself and see Jesus in their
messages that it always brings you hope.
Today while my kiddos took a nap. I
decided to watch his message entitled “A Soul That Wont Sink” (hence
the title of the post.) If you have 45 min of free time I encourage you to
watch it Here.
He talks about Psalm 130 and how the writer (probably David) gives us a 4 step
guide of how to not sink in your soul.
Step 1: Admitting to God where you REALLY
are in life. 
Step 2: This is WHO you are God.
Step 3: This WONT last.
Step 4: God is FAITHFUL. 
I am not going into huge detail about the
message because I want you to watch or listen to it but overall he talks about
how we constantly go through this process in life. We find ourselves sinking
drowning, ready to call it quits so we cry out to God asking Him where is He?
Does He see me struggling here? Can He hear me?  Then we move onto
remember who God is. He is a God who does not keep a list of our rights and
wrongs but a God who offers us forgiveness every time, no matter what, always and
forever through Jesus. Then we remember that it’s not going to last. Even if we
are facing death. In the end the pain of even death won’t last forever
because we have eternity in heaven with Jesus. Lastly, God is faithful. As
Judah says “He has an impeccable track record.”
I immediately began to think about a time
in my life where I literally was begging God to let me die. I wasn’t going to
take my own life but I didn’t want to live anymore. It’s hard to admit that
here on a blog and I don’t share that with a ton of people, but I felt
like Jesus wanted me to share a part of my story so that you know you’re not
alone. So here it goes.
Ever since I was about 13 years old I
began to deal with an anxiety/panic disorder. It’s degrees have varied
throughout my life and I have been off and on every anti-depressant on the
market. I was ashamed and never wanted anyone to know. So I guess it shows I’ve
come along way that I am even sharing this information with you all because I NEVER would have done this a few years ago.
All that to say life was going great for
Matt and I we were newly married bought our first house and decided we were
ready to try to have a family. So I chose to go off of my medication that I had
currently been taking so that we could get pregnant. I put all my trust in
Jesus that he would help me get through this time without being on medication
and before you know it we were pregnant.  We found out at the first ultra
sound that there was no heart beat and our baby had died. So I was sent into
the hospital for a d&c. A few weeks later I passed out at our home and Matt rushed me to the ER where they couldn’t find anything wrong but the drama
of the miscarriage and the event of passing out several times scared me and I
went into full panic mode.
My parents immediately drove out to be
with me. I couldn’t be alone, I couldn’t eat, I wouldn’t drive, I lived in
constant fear that I was dying.  I became a hypochondriac; I sunk into a
huge depression. Matt decided to leave his position as a youth pastor at our
church and I felt like it was my fault. I had failed him. I was crazy. He
deserved better. I was afraid of what everyone thought of me. I had ruined his
life.  I begged Matt to leave me because I felt like I could never be the
“pastor’s wife” that he needed. 
I wanted to die. All I did was sob. I
hated who I was. I questioned my faith, yet I held onto it for dear life
because it was all I had (even though I was holding on by a string ready to let
go.) I share that part of my journey with you because when Judah talked about
God being faithful it was the first thing I thought of.
 It
felt like my world was going to stay in those 6 or so months of complete
torture. I didn’t see a light, but God was faithful. I didn’t stay there
forever. He brought me out of the depths of hell on earth and what I thought
would last forever didn’t!
Please meditate on those truths even if
you don’t believe them yet because one day you will.

Fawn
I would love to hear your feedback. When is a time that you have seen God be faithful in your life?

9 Comments

  1. October 8, 2014 / 9:34 pm

    Definitely going to check out Judah Smith when I get home…Your story just touched my heart, Fawn. After I was saved, I had a hard time accepting that God had been with me when I was going through a rough patch as a teenager. But, the more I met with Him, the more I realized that He was with me every step of the way. He was faithful while I was blind. He is so good to us, isn't He?

  2. October 8, 2014 / 11:13 pm

    @Sarah @ 12 Twenty Seven yes defiitly check him out this message is great! Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean more to me than you'll ever know. It is hard to see and understand where God is when bad things happen to us and others. I still don't get it to this day, but knowing that Jesus is with us and he never lets us walk alone in this life brings me such comfort. Thanks for sharing your heart with me.

  3. Ahoy Kate
    October 10, 2014 / 3:20 am

    Thanks so much for your vulnerability in sharing this, Fawn. I've struggled with anxiety on and off over my the course of my adult life, and it can be really hard at times. I've had a particularly rough week, and needed to be reminded to call out to God and let him know where I'm really at with things. I'm looking forward to watching this video. Your post gave me some much-needed hope, so thanks 🙂

  4. October 10, 2014 / 1:54 pm

    @Ahoy Kate I am so sorry you had a rough week. Anxiety is no fun. Thanks so much for sharing what your going through. I am so glad this post helped I really felt like the Lord wanted me to share so that is so encouraging to know it brought you hope. Let me know what you think of the video after you watch it. I pray your weekend is full of rest and peace:)

  5. October 12, 2014 / 8:55 pm

    So good Fawn. Thanks for sharing your heart so openly. God's getting all the glory.

  6. October 13, 2014 / 5:49 pm

    Oh my goodness, I feel like I am on team Judah or something as I seem to be always raving about him to someone. Isn't he just amazing at communicating God's heart!? His lastest one about being big on the inside, soo, soo good, and transformational.
    And wow, what a testimony you have of what God's already brought you through. So good.

  7. October 13, 2014 / 7:05 pm

    Your so welcome. I totally felt sick after I posted this lol, but God is getting all the glory and that is all that matters. I knew the Lord wanted me to share even though I didn't want to:)

  8. October 13, 2014 / 7:07 pm

    Yeah another team Judah:) My hubby and I love him and the ministry that God does through him and his sweet family. I can't wait to listen to the latest he's posted I think I have about 4 to catch up on. Thanks for posting:)

    • fawnrosenbohm
      Author
      May 21, 2018 / 6:45 pm

      He is our fave for sure!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *