//Thank me in the midst of the crucible// You’re kidding right?//

I have to be inspired to write. I write because its therapy for
me. I don’t write to get what the blogger world calls as a
“following” I think that whole word sounds kind of creepy.  I
really don’t care if people read my posts or not. If they do I pray that Jesus
shines through and not me and that it encourages my sisters out there to let
them know they aren’t alone in the struggles of being a woman, a wife, a
mother, a friend, a follower of Jesus. This life is hard and beautiful.
“Thank me in the midst of the
crucible. When things seem all wrong, look for growth
opportunities. Especially, look for areas where you need to let go, leaving your cares in
My able hands. Do you trust Me
to orchestrate your life events as I choose, or are you still trying to make
things go according to your will?
you keep trying to carry out your intensions while I am leading you in another
direction, you deify your desires.
Be on the lookout for what I am doing in
your life. Worship Me by living close to Me, thanking Me in all Circumstances.
Yeah so that is what I opened up today in
my Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. If I am honest which I hope to be with you
this has been right where my life has been at these past few months. I’ve been
uninspired, depressed, un motivated, anxiety ridden, plain and simply lost. On
top of that I am complaining to God about my circumstances rather than thanking
him for them. Because lets be real that is hard to do and seems so “un
normal”, cuz it is in our human minds. When things seem ALL wrong in your
life  and your wondering what the heck is my Jesus up to with this because
it does not make sense what so ever. It’s almost impossible to be thankful for
that “hard situation” and then add on look for growth opportunities,
really?!!! Who do you think I am Mother Teresa? 
The part that really hits home for me is
Do you trust Me (Fawn) to orchestrate your life events as I choose, or
are you still trying to make things go according to your will? 
Umm yeah Jesus I am still not at
that point of trusting you to orchestrate my life as you choose. I hate to
admit that but I really struggle with trusting the Father. I know all the
logical reasons of why I should trust him all of the scriptures that run
through my mind about His faithfulness and Love but it scares me because his
ways are not mine I mean look at the disciples who all pretty much died
horrible deaths for following Jesus that was part of His plan and I don’t like
that lol. That usually means in my crazy mind that I can’t trust Him for good
things to happen. I know that nowhere in the Bible am I promised an easy life
filled with no pain, quite the contrary really. So how do I get to that place
of trust, trust without questioning? I don’t know. I’ve been searching for that
answer FOREVER. My sweet and oh so wise husband always reminds me this life
isn’t about you Fawn. It isn’t about whether you get cancer and  die young or live a long life. In
the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t matter in light of eternity. Gosh
I hate when he’s right. Not really but I do get totally envious of the way he
thinks so completely opposite of me.
I think ultimately the answer to this
whole trust thing is LOVE. As Judah Smith puts it in his book Life is “If we are interested in Jesus,
if we want to love him and love like him, if we want the abundant life that is
found in him, then we need to stop thinking about ourselves. We need to focus
on him and his love for us.” “I want to be so caught up in God’s love
that I stop thinking about myself.” AMEN!!! He just totally gets me. I get
so annoyed of thinking about me all the time. It’s seriously so frustrating.
It’s like get yourself together but the thing is we are all in the same boat
because we are human and we have a selfish nature, but with the holy spirit and
our focus on Jesus, getting excited about his story which is now our story we
deny ourselves and turn our attention and love to others and gosh that is where
I want my life to be. God let my focus always be Jesus let his love for me change who I am and change how I love those around me. 


  1. May 18, 2015 / 10:00 pm

    Girl…I'm praying for you!! Life has been super overwhelming for me lately too…and a good friend (without knowing how I was feeling), casually told me that the Lord keeps whispering to her that life is but a breath. It hit me like a ton of bricks. So true…helps me not to feel so overwhelmed, Life is but a breath, glory is forever!! xoxo

  2. May 19, 2015 / 1:55 am

    Thanks Amy that means a lot. I'll be praying for you too. Life can be so overwhelmingly at times. Thank you for sharing that truth with me. Such a great reminder and puts things in perspective. Love it! Xoxo

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